What is the Definition of Complaining?

I was recently introduced to the concept of not ‘complaining’ for a week, to understand how it would improve my mental health.

This ‘challenge’ made me want to understand the definition of complaining as I understood it and when did a statement of fact turn into a constant stream of annoyance!

The dictionary describes complaining as; ‘the expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance about something’.

However, that seems too simple to me… my definition of complaining is when you don’t just want to get something off your chest, but you continue to talk about the same problem all of the time and start to enjoy talking about the misery of it. For me, this could be traffic in Cork City. I am always seem surprised by the volume of traffic I encounter when I have early meetings and wonder why I feel stressed when I am late.

My other definition of complaining is simply complaining for the sake of complaining, like the weather and especially the dark grey days full of light rain. This complaining serves no purpose except to be negative in my thinking. Simply put — complaining to me is when you vent about something and don’t do anything about it, resulting in being negative both to yourself and to those that you are complaining to.

The great news is that you can train your brain to stop complaining and the first very simple step, is to become aware of your thought process when you are complaining.

What are you complaining about? If there a pattern to your complaint? Is there a valid reason for your complaint? Or are you complaining merely for the sake of complaining?

Start to write down your complaining thoughts. There is no need to write volumes but just a few points so that you can start to become aware of how often you complain. You also want to recognise what are your triggers for complaining and identify your personal pattern. Who do you complain to? Are they fuelling your feeling of grievance?

Remember misery loves misery… so if you are spending time with people who also like to complain, and do nothing about the problem, they will not help you break your cycle.

Once you become aware of your pattern, your next action is to think of a solution of how to change the complaint into a positive experience. For example, my early morning traffic gives me a chance to listen to a podcast. I know that is a simple example but in all cases of complaining, I believe there is a solution.

Most often the solution is our response to the problem.

A common complaint that I hear from my clients is that the meetings they attend are too long and achieve nothing. No matter what your role is in the meeting you have an opportunity to reflect and think about why the meeting didn’t go well and what you can do to improve future meetings. Turn your complaints into actions!

I encourage you to take the challenge of not complaining for a week and see how it improves your mental well-being. Let me know how you find it…… and share what worked for you……………….. in stopping the complaining chatter going on in your head……